Day 322: Mary Elizabeth Harmon

August 18, 2010 at 12:01 am, Category: Inspiration

“… some people may say we’re here to save the world or this or that, but I think that we’re here to experience joy.  Now, I will say that saving the world or saving the lions or whatever it is may come as happenstance to joy, but joy is the focus.  Joy is the purpose.”

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Toni Reece: Thank you so much, Mary, for agreeing to be part of this Project, and before we begin, can you please introduce yourself?

Mary Elizabeth Harmon: Yes, certainly.  My name is Mary Elizabeth Harmon.

Toni: And Mary, would you like us to call you Mary or Mary Elizabeth?

Mary Elizabeth: Mary Elizabeth.

Toni: Okay, Mary Elizabeth it is.  What do you do, Mary Elizabeth?

Mary Elizabeth: What I do, I’m in the process of starting my coaching business.  I am a reformed molecular biologist who for many years felt that her spirit was draining away in that capacity and took the leap into entrepreneurship.  So I’m starting a business where I will be coaching emerging leaders to tap into their strengths and to get them out into the world.

Toni: That is fantastic, and I would imagine that there aren’t too many molecular biologists that can say they’ve transitioned into coaching.

Mary Elizabeth: That’s right.  I mean, I don’t know of very many.

Toni: So Mary Elizabeth, when you think of that word inspiration, who do you inspire, and how does it happen?

Mary Elizabeth: You know, I inspire people who cross my path, and I inspire them by my vivacity, by being engaged in life, by exuding joy.

I think that joy is inspiring, and so however it is that we can bring that about in our life, we inspire other people.  So if it’s the joy of starting your own business, if it’s the joy of baking a really great cake, if it’s the joy of walking your puppy, whatever it is, I think that that kind of energy is magnetic.  I can just say personally from walking down the street, I get stopped by strangers all the time, and I’m really not even paying attention to them.  So just kind of having joy is inspiring.

Toni: Can you take a moment and define what your definition of joy is?

Mary Elizabeth: What my definition of joy is … feeling connected, feeling like you’re in the flow.  Just having a pep in your step and kind of floating on air a little bit, and being so connected and so just like in that “Oh yes, I’m in the zone” that you focus on what works.  You focus on what works in your life, what works in other people.  And when things crop up that don’t really feel so great, it’s okay, because you know, you can very easily see around what’s happening and just reconnect to that energy where you just feel good.

Toni: And what happens when you’re like that and you live your life that way?  How do you think you might help other people to explore their own potential?

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, I think that … I have a quote that I really love, and right now, of course, I’m blanking on who said it … and it’s “Don’t ask what the world needs, but ask what makes you come alive, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

So again, I know it’s kind of the same answer that I gave the last time, but it’s that coming alive, it’s living that thing that it’s your truth.  And so to the extent where people can hear the story or see a demonstration of somebody who has had the courage to say “You know what?  I’m not going to buy into collective wisdom, and I’m going to step out and I’m going to do what I really feel in my soul is the thing to do that’s just going to bring me happiness,” because I really think that that’s why we’re here.

You know, some people may say we’re here to save the world or this or that, but I think that we’re here to experience joy.  Now, I will say that saving the world or saving the lions or whatever it is may come as happenstance to joy, but joy is the focus.  Joy is the purpose.

Toni: I would imagine that that is the key here, the courage that happens, you know, for people to be happy and watch you and learn from your example of being happy that they can realize whatever that potential is for them.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, and it sounds kind of odd that one would need courage to be happy, but on the other hand is so many of us live the stories that have been given to us, that have been given to us by our families, and not in a bad way.  I think that our families and our friends say “Oh, this is what I see for you” and it’s because they want you to be happy, but they’re giving it to you in a lens that they can see happiness.  And it’s so individual to each of us that we really can’t learn that from somebody else.

And so people do try to live other people’s truths, and it takes courage to say “You know what?  Thank you mom, thank you dad, thank you brother, thank you sister, teacher” – or whoever it is that’s putting the story on you – “thanks for your interest” or “thanks for your love to give me this feedback, but I really have to go another way.”  Sometimes that does take … I mean, it takes courage.

I know for myself, I come from a family where I’ve always felt very, very supported and I’ve been very blessed with parents that say “Hey, whatever makes you happy, go do that.”  But even growing up in that kind of environment, I found myself sometimes holding myself back because I’d say “Well, you know, what makes me happy is kind of wacky, kind of quirky, and I don’t know that I want to go there.  I don’t know that I really want to own that right now. “

So even in an environment where people are encouraging you to do that, it still takes a little courage to step out and say “You know what?  I’m just going to do it my way, and if people want to criticize, that’s okay.  If people want to criticize, then, you know, I know that I’m doing something that at least is attracting some kind of attention.  It’s making people take notice.”

And so even if it comes in the form of criticism, I still think that you’re paying a wonderful service to people, because very often, people will criticize because they think “Wow, I really wish I could do what she or he is doing” and instead of being inspired to go something, they criticize.

So again, it does take courage, but once you take that step, there’s kind of no turning back once you start to feel that giddiness when you walk down the street, and once you get a taste of it … like I had a detour.  I used to feel it all the time as a child, and I detoured for many, many years.  But I already had a taste, so I had a frame of reference.

And at this point it’s like “You know what?  I have to get back to that no matter what.”  And so for me, it almost wasn’t courage as much as it was something that I just had to do.  I just had the very good fortune of experiencing it as a child, knowing what it tasted like, and just really striving to get … or not striving, but just taking the steps to get back to that place.

Toni: So what inspires you?

Mary Elizabeth: What inspires me is people living their strengths.  So I think there’s a lot of focus on fix it, fix it, fix it, and my perspective is that we’re not broken; it’s just that we’re putting our focus … and I’m going to use the word “wrong,” but it’s putting our focus on the wrong things.

So I can just give you an example in my old job.  I did a wonderful job writing reports and this and that, but I’m not very good at certain statistical software.  Fine, that’s okay, because I had someone on my team to do it.  But the focus was always on what I could not do as opposed to what I could do and could do very, very well.  And so I’m inspired by people who say, you know, “These are my strengths, these are the things that I’m going to plan on, and the rest … that’s okay, I can just form a partnership.”

So I’m inspired by people who have just claimed their strengths and who live them and don’t get stopped by what it is that they can’t do because there are ways … there are just wonderful opportunities for you to get that support from other people.

Toni: It’s really amazing because the example that you’ve given as far as things were always looked at what you didn’t do or couldn’t do, not what you’ve done, and so people tend to feel a little bit beaten down by that.  So again, for you to have that courage to step out of that and say “No, I’m going to go with my strengths” and then in turn now to help others do that, I think that’s pretty amazing.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, and the wonderful thing is, there is not one person on this earth who does not have a strength.  Now, there are many people, I will say, that don’t necessarily know what those strengths are.  They may not have the language for what those strengths are, but we all have them.  We all  have them.  And so my mission is to help people to recognize what those strengths are and to really start to celebrate and say “Oh, yay!  I have those strengths, and I’m going to start living it!”

In my life, I’ve had instances where people saw a strength in me before I even saw it.  So when I was in high school, for example — I grew up in Nairobi under the British school system — and they have a head girl and a head boy in the students.  And my teacher said “Oh, well, we would like to appoint you the head girl.”  And I thought “What?  Are you kidding?  No!”  And then I said “Hey wait a minute, actually, you know what, you guys are right – sure, give me the job!”  I was a step behind them, and so the gift that I think that I can offer people is the benefit of sight from a different perspective.

Toni: When you go back to what inspires you and people realizing what their strengths and to work them and to use them, what else inspires you?  When you maybe might have a day that you’re not as inspired as you want to be, are there tools or resources that are your go-to consistent resources that you seek inspiration?

Mary Elizabeth: Yes, there are.  The things that inspire me … I’m inspired by music, so there’s certain songs that I listen to that just make me feel … for example, Elgar’s Cello Concerto.   I cannot listen to that without crying tears of gratitude.  So if I ever feel that I’m “ugh,” I just go put on some Yo-Yo Ma, and I feel better. Or, I might just sit.  I go to the park.

So the thing … I learned this from one of my coaches, and she suggested that I start an inspiration box, and I love that idea.  So it’s a place where it’s a … the way I think of it is “break in case of emergency.”  So I have a physical box where I just put little ideas in there.  So … sing a song … oh yeah, right, I can sing, and when I sing I feel better.  Listen to Elgar.  Oh yeah, right.  Listen to your meditation CD.

So there’s so many ways that I feel that if I am in that kind of low place that I can like … oh, wait a second, let’s bring this back up.  But you put it in the box when you’re already feeling good, because when you’re not feeling good, it makes it a little bit harder to access those things.

Toni: What a great piece of advice, and a great routine to follow.  What do you do now to explore your own potential?

Mary Elizabeth: What do I do now to explore … well, a lot of it is working with other people.  Working with other people and really helping … having them help me grow so I can help them grow.  So if I … right now, there are things that I can do that are very comfortable for me, that I can do to provide service.  But at some point, my clients, the people that I serve in my everyday life just by walking down … or not necessarily walking down the street, but my friends who I interact with and say “I need a little assistance to go that much higher.”  And what I love to do is go out and learn, and come back packaged in a way that I can help them.  So for me, what is going to bring me higher is interacting with people and listening to what it is that they need that I can go and grow and provide that to them, for them.

Toni: That is fantastic, and so it’s really a pay it forward situation, isn’t it?

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, yeah.  Help me help you.

Toni: That’s right.  That’s right.  I love that.  I absolutely love that.  Well, we wish you the best of success in your coaching business.  I can’t imagine anyone not benefitting from being with you in that type of a relationship.  Just listening to the passion that flows from you about your life and how you are so passionate, it’s just been a joy to listen to you through this interview.

Mary Elizabeth: And it has been wonderful talking to you.

Toni: Oh, thank you so much, Mary Elizabeth, for being part of the Get Inspired! Project, and we wish you the very best.

Mary Elizabeth: Thank you so much, Toni.

Toni: Take care.

Mary Elizabeth: Okay, you too.

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