Day 320: Sam Horn

August 16, 2010 at 12:01 am, Category: Inspiration

“… the question is not do you have a Ph.D., or the question is not are you perfect – the question to ask is, would someone reading your book or would someone participating in your cause benefit?  Because if people will benefit from what it is you want to do, not only do you have the right to launch this, you have a responsibility to launch this.”

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Toni Reece: Thank you so much, Sam, for agreeing to be part of this Project, and before we begin, can you please introduce yourself?

Sam Horn: Yes, thank you Toni.  My name is Sam Horn.  I’m the Intrigue Expert, and I have the opportunity to help entrepreneurs and organizations become one of a kind instead of one of many, so they break out instead of blend in, and I do that through my presentations for groups like Intel and Cisco and Inc. 500, through my coaching and consulting, and through my books including POP!, Tongue Fu!, ConZentrate – which Stephen Covey said was the best book he ever saw on focus – and What’s Holding You Back?

Toni: Well, Sam, thank you so much for sharing your time with us today, and when you think of that word inspiration, who do you inspire, and how does that happen?

Sam: Why, thank you for asking that, and I really believe in what Katharine Graham of the Washington Post said.  She said to “Do what you love and feel that it matters.  How could anything be more fun?”

Well, I’ll tell you what could be more fun.  To do what you love, feel that it matters, and do it with people you enjoy and respect.  So that is my target audience, is people who believe that we are put on earth to find our message, our mission, to find meaningful work, because when we are doing what we’re born to do, we’re leading the life we’re meant to live, and that’s who I help.

Toni: When someone is in front of you and that inspiration occurs, can you give us an example?

Sam: Well, you bet, and I’ll tell a story.  I agree with Muriel Rukeyser, who said that the world is not made up of atoms, it’s made up of stories, and hopefully I illustrate all my ideas with examples so that you can kind of see what I’m saying and relate to it and have a real-world example of how this could work in your daily life.

A few years ago, my sons and I were at dinner, and Andrew said out of the blue, he said “Mom, I ran into Ryan last night.  It was kind of interesting.  I’ve been thinking about him, I should give him a call, and there he was, out of the blue.  It was kind of interesting.”

I said “Oh, Andrew, that wasn’t out of the blue.  That’s called serendipity.  When we run into someone who we’ve been thinking about, our paths have crossed for a reason, and it’s our job to figure out why.  Maybe you’re meant to collaborate with Ryan on something.”

Well, the boys were really intrigued, and Andrew came up to me later and he said “Mom, I really love that concept of serendestiny.”  So see, that’s what I’m speaking and writing on now, in addition to POP! and Tongue Fu! is because “serendestiny” really is leading the life we’re born to live.

What happens often is that we get a hunch, or there’s a coincidence, and I believe that that is the Universe or God or Providence – whatever you want to call it – meeting us halfway, and it is our responsibility to meet that opportunity halfway.  And when we do, it results in a new idea, entity, or opportunity that wouldn’t have existed otherwise.

You want an example of this, Toni?

Toni: Yes.

Sam: Well, a few years ago I was speaking for the National Speakers Association, finished my program, went to lunch and I really could only see a couple seats.  So I start going across to them, and this little voice said “No, not there.  Sit here.”  I looked at the table.  I didn’t recognize anyone, and I said “Here?” The voice said, “Here.”

Now, I’m not really a woo-woo person, Toni.  It’s just that I bet we all get these kind of inklings to pick up the phone and call this person or to do that, and I’ve really come to understand that those really are serendestiny signs.  Those are signals.  That is our best future meeting us halfway.

So let me Reader’s Digest this story real quick.  Suffice it to say, the person I met at that table was Tom Tuohy, and when I asked Tom what he did, he said that he ran a nonprofit called Dreams For Kids.  I said “Well, what’s an example?”

“Well” he said, “We have a young man in our program, J.J. O’Connor, who was 17 years old, playing hockey, and he was blocked into the boards, broke his neck, and became an instant quadriplegic, and after months of surgeries and rehabs, J.J. now participates in our Extreme Recess Programs.”

I said “Well, give me another example.”  He said “Well, when J.J. got to be 21, he wanted to go to Mexico for spring break, so we took him down, and on our final day there, we saw a brochure about swimming with dolphins, and J.J. wanted to try it.”

So we get in the lagoon, and Tom supporting him on the one side, and Dick Merritt is on the other side, and the trainer lets in a dolphin.  She swims around the group.  She comes and she stops right in front of J.J., because her sonar can detect that there’s something different about his body.  She gets a little agitated, and J.J. looks at Tom and just says “I don’t want to cause problems – take me out of the pool.”

And thankfully the trainer was really sensitive and says “Oh, let’s bring in her boyfriend and see what happens.”  So the male dolphin comes in.  He too swims around the group, stops in front of J.J., and he too kind of gets irritated.  He swims over to the female dolphin.  They start click-clicking away, and J.J. looks up at Tom and says “Wonder who they’re talking about?”  And then the female dolphin came back and got up on her tail and put out her flippers and leaned in and gave J.J. a kiss.”

I said “Tom, you’ve got to write that book.”  He said “What book?”  I said “Kiss of the Dolphin.” He said “Sam, I’m not an author.  I’m a lawyer.  I run a nonprofit.”  I said “Tom, if as a result of writing this book one person goes up to someone in a wheelchair and says ‘Hi’ instead of ignoring them or avoiding them because they don’t know what to say, will it have been worth it?”

Well, Toni, a year later, Tom’s book, Kiss of the Dolphin, premiered to 1,000 people at Chicago’s Soldier Field.  As a result of that book, people have started Dreams for Kids chapters around the world.  Thousands of young people have gotten off the sidelines and into the game of life through their programs.

I’m really reaching out to everyone who is listening to this, because sometimes we have a dream, we want to do something, and we feel it’s arrogant.  We think “Who am I to talk about starting a nonprofit?  Who am I to write a book?  Who am I to launch this cause?”

Well, the question is not do you have a Ph.D., or the question is not are you perfect – the question to ask is, would someone reading your book or would someone participating in your cause benefit?  Because if people will benefit from what it is you want to do, not only do you have the right to launch this, you have a responsibility to launch this.

Toni: What a wonderful story, and a great, great value statement for how inspiration occurs, but then also leading in exploring someone’s potential.  If you could just stay on that for a little bit more on exploring that potential … if I have that responsibility, if I have the responsibility to share with people what I do that will benefit them, how do you take that first step to explore the potential that you have in order to make that happen?  How does that happen, Sam?

Sam: Well, it’s a great question, and let’s have a two-part response to that.  So just as you said, Toni, so often people think “Well, you know, I don’t have a background or I don’t have the funds in this, or I don’t have the support of this.”

Well, what I suggest is that we remember the example of 13-year-old Jack McShane.  Jack McShane lived in New Orleans across from City Park, and following Katrina, he was absolutely devastated, because the park across the street of course was just ruined by Hurricane Katrina, and the city didn’t have the funds to clean it up.  So months went by and it just got more and more littered, and the weeds were out of control.  He was looking at the park one day and he thought “Somebody should do something about this.”  And then the thought came to him, “I’m as much a somebody as anybody.”

So he got his lawnmower and he went across and he started mowing the lawn, and then some friends helped him, and now, people started complimenting him on it.  He had been on “20/20.”  Do you know what he called his group, Toni?

Toni: What?

Sam: Weeding By Example.

Toni: I love that!

Sam: And see, if a 13-year-old can launch something that has had such marvelous impact, we can too.

There was a two-part answer to this.  It’s very interesting, because so often we think we have to go it alone and we don’t have the resources or we don’t have the knowledge, so we let that block us from starting.  Well, what I’m going to recommend is we do something that I hope you can see this example.

In Akron, Ohio, the home of Quaker Oats, they had some silos that were part of the original operation, but they weren’t using them anymore, so they were going to knock them down.  And then someone had this brilliant idea.  Why don’t we just knock out the inner walls of the silos and join them together and turn it into a historical inn?  Now for me, I think so many of us are operating in silos.  We don’t ask for help because either we think it’s a sign of weakness or people won’t want to chip in, or we think we need to do it ourselves, thank you.

I suggest that we don’t go solo, we go silo.  That we reach out to people with complementary talents — whether we form masterminds or whether we form support groups — and by getting a variety of people together, then of course we’re setting up that synergistic, that exponential impact where we’re all contributing, and one plus one equals ten.

Toni: It’s interesting … it is really … one of the themes as well that’s coming out of the Get Inspired! Project is how people are looking at collaboration rather than competition, and that partnership.  And so to have you state it in this way as well is incredibly powerful.  It really needs to be listened to and taken very seriously.  I do want to ask you now, Sam – what inspires you?

Sam: What inspires me is that I hope we all have a mission statement.  Years ago I heard about the importance of that and I went to lunch, and instead of just reading the newspaper or something, I actually spent that hour coming up with a mission statement that drives my days, and I wouldn’t fiddle with it.  I wouldn’t change a word.

It’s my purpose to make a positive difference for as many people as possible while maintaining a happy, healthy life with friends, family.  So what I believe is if we are clear about our intent, then on a daily basis we can hold ourselves accountable for it.  The thing that inspired me is I’m on a lake, and water inspires me.  I lived in Maui for many years, and I think when you get in an ocean, when you get in a lake, when you get in a pool and you can move and you can roll and you can float, it is the perfect medium for creativity.  It has the duality where it is both still and it is dynamic.

So water … being around, in water nurtures my creativity and soothes my soul, and steeps me in all that’s right with the world.  That’s just one of the things.  There are many others, and I know we need to keep our time short, so that’s just one.

Toni: That’s okay.  I do want to ask you though, have you always shown up to the table this way, Sam?

Sam: Oh, what a great question.  I’ll go back to a pivotal decision, and what I had found interviewing people around the world is that we all have crucial crossroads.  My first crucial crossroads was on what I was going to study in college, because I had a lot of people telling me that I should become a doctor or a lawyer and use my mind.  But Toni, I didn’t want to become a doctor or a lawyer.

I helped put myself through college running recreation departments, being a swim coach, and see some people ridiculed the major of Recreation Administration as being a slacker kind of major.  However, I felt it was important, it’s what I wanted to do.  It was the first major time where as Gloria Steinem says “Let me listen to me and not to them.”  When we’re at the crucial crossroad, do we go with our gut?  Do we listen to what our true nature is and what it wants, and do we act in alignment with our values in our vision, or do we go along to get along?  Do we abdicate our authority to other people?

See, that pivotal decision has set up a series of serendestiny events that has led to this life where I couldn’t imagine doing anything that I love more, and that led to me going to being asked to work on Hilton Head Island for Rod Laver.  That led to me coming to Washington, D.C. and opening up a country club for racket sports.  That led to me speaking.

And so see, we can trace back the quality of our life to crucial crossroads where we act in alignment with our values and our vision.  We have the courage of our convictions, the valor of our vision, or we compromise ourselves, and then we end up with a life that’s not our own.

Toni: And it all is about awareness, isn’t it?  Listening and being aware.

Sam: It is listening and being aware, and one other thing – well, lots of other things – how about one thing for our conversation today?  I was reading USA Today last year, and they were interviewing Will Smith, who is the number one box office star in the world, and the reporter kept asking kind of mundane celebrity questions, and Will kept coming back with these really profound answers.

She said kind of casually “It looks like you and Jada Pinkett Smith have a pretty good relationship” and he said “Oh, yes.  We have a 40-year marriage plan.”  She said “What?”  He said “Well, businesses have a business plan; we thought we should have a marriage plan.”  She said “Well, like what’s one of your goals?”  He said “Well, one of our goals is to be philanthropists on the scale of Bill and Melinda Gates.”  And Toni, I’m thinking, a few years ago he was the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and now he’s trying to use his fame for good, and he is scaling his vision of how he can positively impact the world.

When I speak at conferences or when I write, this is hopefully one of the ideas, is that we look at how we’re influencing our world and the people around us.  Can we scale our vision and ask ourselves how we can think big?  Once again, not coming from arrogance or ego, simply coming from an opportunity like what you have here, Toni.  You are a walking, talking role model of serendestiny.  You know, you and Jim got this idea, you started reaching out.

I can only imagine that when you reach out to one person who is doing what they’re meant to do and the light is on in their eyes and they’re making a difference, they then recommend you to others.  People are being impacted by this who then share the news about you to others, and it is scaling organically, isn’t it, because you’re doing it for all the right reasons.

Toni: Well thank you for saying that.  It’s … you’ve described it beautifully and what a great word to put to it.  Sam, we have one more question for the Project, and I know people are going to want to know this that are listening before I let you go.  What are you doing now to explore your own potential so that you can keep doing this great work?

Sam: Well thank you for asking that, and I’ll share an experience that has really helped me, that is helping me now and as I move forward … is I decided this year, this summer, that I was not going to get so wrapped up in my work that the months of summer went by and it ended up in September and it’s like “What happened to summer?”  So I’m sampling all 20 pools in our neighborhood of Reston, Virginia, outside of D.C..

So I was driving along one day, and there was a pool I haven’t tried yet tucked back under some shade trees.  So I parked and went in, and it was obviously a family pool.  There was a big fountain in the shallow end.  And so I get the only chaise lounge, and there is a woman next to me with three little tow-headed kids, probably all under the age of seven, and it was like the Waltons right there in front of me, Toni.  They were playing Marco Polo.  I mean, it was a beautiful scene.

Then a man walks in in a business suit, and the kids run over, “Daddy, Daddy!”  He comes over and he gives his wife a peck on the cheek and he changes, and then, you know, three minutes later he’s in the pool with them and they’re showing him their swim strokes and they’re diving off his shoulders, and it was just like Norman Rockwell.  The gentleman stopped for a  second and he looks up at his wife and he says “Hon, why don’t we make this our default?  Why don’t we just meet at the pool every night after work?”

And Toni, I held my breath.  I just looked at her … I was thinking “Please say yes – please say yes!”  And she looked at him and she said “Why don’t we?”  And what was so impactful about that moment is that in five seconds, they made a decision – and I know I’m being a little bit of a Pollyanna on this – but I think they made a decision in five seconds that’s going to impact the rest of their lives.  I think they’ll always look back at this summer as the summer they met Dad at the pool.  And it’s a summer of innocence, and once again, what’s right with the world.

I think on a daily basis we have an opportunity to look at our defaults.  What are our automatic attitudes and actions and behaviors and beliefs, and are they serving us, or are they sabotaging us?  There are some things I’ve changed as a result of that experience.  I looked at some of my default behaviors, and I thought “That’s not helping, that’s hurting.  I’m going to do it differently.”

So as I write this Serendestiny book and as I speak and as I work with clients, it’s one of the first things we ask is to examine our defaults and ask if they are serving or sabotaging us.  And if they’re serving us, then we continue them.  However, if they’re not helping, then what can we do to change them now – not someday – so that we’re leading the quality of life, so that we’re leading a life that leads to results and not regrets?

Toni: Sam, I can absolutely not thank you enough for sharing your grace with the Get Inspired! Project.  There is so much in this interview, and just the weaving and the storytelling has just been so gentle, and I know that there are so many other people that will listen to this and read your transcript and go “Did it end?  Does it have to end?”  So thank you so very much , Sam, for being part of this Project, and honestly we cannot thank you enough.

Sam: Well, kudos to you and your team, Toni, for the difference that you’re making in the world.  We can all use more inspiration.  It’s been an honor to be part of it, and good wishes for continued success.

Toni: Thank you so much.  Take care.

Sam: Bye for now.

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For more information about Sam Horn:  www.samhorn.com

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