Day 263: Tonoa Bond
“… for me, true inspiration comes from the people who are really digging down deep, you know, in the dark recesses of their soul to find out what it is that they really want and they go after it. That always inspires me to want to give more and do more, when I see other people who are challenged or limited, you know, through their thinking, step outside of the box and do something different.”
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Toni Reece: Thank you so very much, Tonoa, for agreeing to be part of this Project today, and before we begin, can you please introduce yourself?
Tonoa Bond: Yes, I am Tonoa Bond. I am known as the Audacity Expert, and I’m a life coach, speaker, trainer, and I’m certified in forensic psychology and so people are usually afraid to talk to me, because I’m all in their head.
Toni: Okay. Well, let’s see where this goes. We don’t want to get lost in my head, that would be scary. Tonoa, when you think about the word inspiration, who do you inspire, and how does that happen?
Tonoa: You know, Toni, I think if you had asked me this question a couple of years ago, the answer would have been different, because I would have said teenagers and youth and things of that nature. But with the economy being what it is, there’s so many people right now who are searching for answers and looking for truth, and what they don’t realize is the truth lies on the inside of them. I’ve been noticing through my social media pages, Facebook, LinkedIn, all of that, that there are a lot of people who are watching me live my life because I live in such an authentic way.
They call me the Audacity Expert because all of my life I’ve had that shameless boldness to go after the things that I want and the things that make me happy, which is living my purpose. A lot of people have been so socialized and conditioned to live anything other than their true purpose that it’s refreshing at this time in their life to see someone who’s actually doing it.
So I’m inspiring a lot of people who are confused at this time as to what they really want to do, and they’re not sure the economy will support them, and they’re watching me. I love when people say to me “Because I’m watching you, I now know that my dreams are possible.” So I think it’s broader now, the people that I inspire. I’m inspiring more people who are ready to be authentic and true to their purpose and their passion.
Toni: And so do you help people that are with you and work with you to uncover that purpose and passion?
Tonoa: I do. I usually start with the truth, and if you think about it, the truth is a construct. It’s not really solid, and it’s not absolute. There’s really no absolute truth. The only absolute truth is fact, and we can’t change fact, but we can change our truth. And so I work with people to figure out … I have them answer two questions: who are you, and why do you believe that about yourself? Because once we know the answers to those two questions, we can go forth and decide what it is that they want, how they’re going to get there.
You know, it’s that old adage, you can’t find out where you’re going until you know where you’ve been. So we have to locate you. We have to find out where you are right now, today, and then we can help you map the course of where you want to be. But if you don’t know who you are and how you got there, then you’re going to be on that proverbial hamster wheel, and you’re never going to be able to live the life you want to live, because you haven’t dealt with your truth.
Toni: Now, how does that translate into helping people to explore their potential? Is truth and potential the same thing?
Tonoa: In a sense. It’s like on that … they’re parallel. It’s like two streets that go the same way and they never meet up unless you do something like make a curve or, you know, the street changes. One of the things that … people don’t know their potential until they know how they became who they are, because there are a lot of people living what they believe is their potential, but it’s something they’ve been conditioned to believe.
So we first have to uncover what it is you really want. You know, we have to help you discover your passion. And you know, people will say “Well, I’m living it,” and you go through the questions, they realize “Well, I’m really not because in my heart of hearts what I really want is this, but I’ve never been able to get there.” So you always have to start with are you really living your passion? We have to help you figure out what that is, and then once we do that, then we’re able to help you explore your options. Because if you think about it, options are limitless. We limit them based on our own thinking.
Again, that word construct, you know, how we frame our lives, how we build the walls of our lives. We let things in if we want them in or we won’t, but if you don’t start with where you are, who you are, you’ll never know if you’re really, truly living your passion. And then without that answer, you can’t explore potential, because really there is none when you’re not living your truth.
Toni: So, Tonoa, what inspires you?
Tonoa: Well, I love to see people living their dream. I love to see people … you know, I’m really weird in a sense that I love when I see people challenge society. So I remember when I was working in Corporate America, and you would always see that mousy person finally stand up for themselves, or you see the babies or the young kids, and even though parents don’t like it, because again we want to condition our kids to believe that you always have to respect authority – which, you know, you do, and I’m not saying that you don’t – but I love to see, you know, a young child stand up for their right, even if they get shut down, you know.
I’m always inspired by people who are not afraid to take life by the horns; that inspires me. You know, when I look at television and I watch the Olympics and I see people chasing their dreams, or you go out and you see that the young mother who is a single parent and she hasn’t faltered, even though life might be hard, you know, she’s out doing the things that she has to do to take care of her children. Those things inspire me.
There are a lot of billionaires and millionaires out there doing great things, but for me, true inspiration comes from the people who are really digging down deep, you know, in the dark recesses of their soul to find out what it is that they really want and they go after it. That always inspires me to want to give more and do more, when I see other people who are challenged or limited, you know, through their thinking, step outside of the box and do something different.
Toni: How did you reach your truth?
Tonoa: You know, for me I started early. I grew up in a challenging background, and I also grew up in a challenging family. And for years, even though I was doing all those audacious things, I was hiding a lot of secrets because, you know, in my home, life wasn’t always easy, but you can’t tell people that. You can’t tell people the things that are going on. And one day, I had to sit down and really look at my own truth. The secrets that we hide cause like little volcanoes on the inside of us and they erupt, but they have their own energy, so wherever you go around people and someone is really close to uncovering your secret, then you have to protect it.
One day, I think for me, I finally decided that it wasn’t worth protecting someone else’s secret, and that I shouldn’t be shamed by that, and that helped me step more into who I am and realize that the things that I’ve gone through in my life, the strength that I’ve ascertained because of all of the challenges that have faced me, you know, that has made me a stronger and a better person.
And because of it, I can actually help more people. Because when people say “Well, you don’t know what it’s like for me” it’s like I might not know what it’s like for you, but because I haven’t been … I’m no longer afraid to go into those dark, deep recesses of my mind to find my truth, now I’m not afraid to help you discover yours. And so for me, I think that’s pretty much it. I have to step into my own truth in order to discover my own potential.
Toni: And so really, the word that I wrote down here listening to you is that the skill of empathy and resilience have really been honed during your life, and I would imagine that those two skills as well come into play when you’re working with others.
Tonoa: Definitely. I train other life coaches as well, and I know a lot of times they don’t like when the shoe is on the other foot. They don’t like … because in my coaching school, we have them sit in sessions where they’re the client, and they don’t like it. And I always ask them “Well, how can you help your client if you don’t know what it’s like to sit in that position and be uncomfortable working a stranger? You’re a stranger to them. They’re coming to you, so you have to develop those skills of empathy, so you almost have to be able to put yourself in another person’s shoes, and if you think you’re above them or better or you can’t ‘sink to that level,’ then you will never be of help to someone else.”
So yes, you have to develop the skills of empathy, but they’re developed on the battlefield of life. They’re not developed because you sit there and decided to do some meditation and say “I want to be empathetic.” Like you have to, you know, go into your own experiences and match those moments. You know, mirror the moments of someone else so that you can say “I know what that feels like, and because I know what that feels like, I never want you to have to feel that again, so I’m going to help you.”
Toni: Absolutely. When you’re looking for inspiration yourself, what do you tend to reach for?
Tonoa: That is a good question. I’ve never been the type of person to be able to call other people and tell them my problems. And this is going to sound really weird, but when I was younger, because I didn’t talk a lot to people – I was a bookworm – I used to create things in my head. And so for me, when I need inspiration I visualize myself on Oprah, or I’ll read a book about how to achieve your dreams, or I like to read books about people who had challenging times and they’ve been able to pull through.
You know, I find inspiration in the weirdest places. Normally, I’ll read a story about someone who actually made it through something, not that it was manmade or, you know, self-created, because a lot of times we create our own problems and then come out and go “Ta-da! Look at what I did!” And it’s like, well, you created it, you should be able to get out of it. But I like to find, you know, those moments where, you know, someone really had some challenge to get over and made it through, or I’ll create it in my head so that I can believe it. You know, have those visualizations happening so that I can start to change, or alter my belief system, you know, to believe that anything is possible. Because even those of us in this field, you know, just because we have the information doesn’t mean we don’t have to practice it. And boy, do we have to practice it.
Toni: Absolutely. How do you then continue to explore your own potential so you can continue to grow in this field in the work that you do, and also stay within your truth?
Tonoa: I am forever looking at new ways to look at the model. A lot of people say that I have this mogul mentality, because in my head I’ll find someone who is struggling, and I’ll think “Oh my gosh, there has to be a better way” – and I’ve actually stolen that phrase from my young daughter, who always says that to me when I tell her no. She always says “There has to be a better way!”
But I’ll look at someone else and I’ll think “Okay, what can make their life easier? How can we come up with a program that would be geared just for them?” I have this wall. A lot of people have a vision board, but I have this wall of dreams, things that I would like to implement, things that I would like to do. And so in looking at other people, helping them to figure out better ways for them to live their life or easier ways for them to have their dreams, that helps me stay in my truth, because my true calling in life is to do just that – is to help other people.
So that’s one of the things that I usually do, is figure out a way to help someone have it a little bit easier and in that regard, I’m standing in my own truth because that’s my calling. To add a little bit to that, I moved to California to be a screenwriter, although I knew in my heart of hearts that I should have stayed in self help.
So we are forever looking for those things that sound a little easier – “Oh, I’ll make a lot of money as a screenwriter,” but your true calling is always what springs to you in the middle of the night. So for me, I’ve actually stepped more into my true calling and I’m living that, and that helps me to stay inspired, and it helps me to continue to reach my potential in helping other people reach theirs.
Toni: Well, Tonoa, you have been just a wealth of information and have been very generous in what you have shared as far as who you inspire and also what you need for inspiration, and we truly appreciate so much information that you have given us today is fantastic; it truly is. We will have a link at the bottom of your transcript on how to find your school and possibly, you know, find out what it is that you’re doing and learn from you. And for showing up today, we cannot thank you enough.
Tonoa: Oh, thank you, Toni, for asking me. This has been great.
Toni: Fantastic. It’s been a pleasure, and take care.
Tonoa: Thank you, you too.
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For more information about Tonoa Bond: www.tonoabond.com, www.thebondinstitute.com
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