Day 243: Dr. Sheila Forman
“… one of the things is when I think about inspiring, when I want to be the source of inspiration, for me it’s really about leading by example and modeling whatever it is that I am trying to inspire, whether it’s a feeling or behavior or a thought.”
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Toni Reece: Thank you so very much, Dr. Sheila, for being part of this Project today, and before we begin, can you please introduce yourself?
Dr. Sheila Forman: I’d be happy to. My name is Dr. Sheila Forman, and I am located in Southern California. I am both a clinical psychologist and an attorney, and I’m also a professor at Loyola Marymount University.
Toni: Fantastic. Well, Dr. Sheila, when you think of that word inspiration, who do you inspire, and how does that happen?
Dr. Sheila: Well you know, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve been told that I inspire my patients and I’ve been told that I inspire my students, and I think I do that because I spend so much time in front of them.
Toni: And what happens when they’re in front of you?
Dr. Sheila: Well, when I’m in my classroom, for example, one of the things is when I think about inspiring, when I want to be the source of inspiration, for me it’s really about leading by example and modeling whatever it is that I am trying to inspire, whether it’s a feeling or behavior or a thought. So when I’m in front of my students, for example, and I’m educating them, whether it’s about general psychology or forensic psychology, I’m not only educating them, but I’m also sharing examples.
I may share examples from my professional life. I may share examples from my personal life, so that they can experience what I’m talking about; not just hearing the words, but also have sort of an experience of me being in it. And then hopefully they can put themselves in that situation and imagine themselves doing the same thing.
Toni: How do you think by doing that and modeling that and having them experience that, how does that then help them to explore their own potential?
Dr. Sheila: Well, what I think happens, and fortunately what I do hear from some former students later on when they contact me, is that they start to imagine that maybe they could do it too. I’ve gotten emails and phone calls from former students who said that because of my class, they found the confidence or they started to think of themselves in terms of going into the criminal justice system if they’re interested in forensics, applying for a doctorate program if they’re interested in clinical psych, because they could envision themselves being able to do it. And for me, that’s part of inspiration. It’s allowing the other person to say “Wow, maybe this is for me too.”
Toni: Fantastic. Do they get to have that type of banter with you as far as the pros and cons and, you know, what they have to do to get to what they want to do in that profession? Do they get that hands on experience with you?
Dr. Sheila: They really do, especially in my classes. With my patients I work a little differently, but with my students I’m very open and forthright. I’ll kick my shoes off, I’ll lean over the podium, and we will chat. I’m open to any question that they have, because I think whatever question they have is insight into where they’re coming from, and I want to be able to meet them where they’re at so that I can move them forward.
Toni: Well that speaks to your students – what about your patients?
Dr. Sheila: With my patients it’s similar, except I don’t do any self-disclosing with my patients, and that’s really because of my training. I come from a psychoanalytic, psychodynamic background in therapy, and basically what that means is that the therapist is a blank slate. I try to be as neutral as I can in terms of my own personal experience so that the therapy is all about the patients. With that being said, I’m still able to model certain behaviors, certain hopefully emotional and psychological well being that they can experience that they then would want for themselves.
So for example, keeping really strong boundaries, being very consistent, being very open and honest and really listening, those are the things that I’m hoping to inspire in them that they can use as they move forward and build healthier lives.
Toni: So where is the connection between the inspiration that occurs when someone is in your classroom to the inspiration that occurs when I might be a patient of yours? Is there a correlation between the two?
Dr. Sheila: I’m hoping there is. I’m hoping in both settings, one more formal than the other – the clinical practice being a little bit more formal than the student setting – that I’m helping these people explore their potential and identify anything that might be getting in the way of their reaching that potential, and then allowing them to move forward, either by the healing that happens in the therapeutic setting, or through the learning that happens in the education setting.
Toni: Okay. Now, Dr. Sheila, what inspires you?
Dr. Sheila: I love that question. I was thinking about that. What inspires me is having a purpose, and that purpose can mean so many things at different times. Recently, I completed a marathon, so the idea of completing that marathon and taking myself to that physical level of being able to complete it was very inspiring for me; so, having that purpose. When I’m with my patients, it’s about really providing the best therapy that I can and bringing out my best potential. Same thing with my students; I want to be the best teacher that I can for them in that moment.
Toni: I would imagine that what also inspires you would be to see the students going on to excel in that field that you’ve been so gracious in teaching them.
Dr. Sheila: You know, that is a wonderful point, and I never thought of it as inspiration, but you’re absolutely right, it is. It’s so rewarding for me. When my patients move forward in their lives and they create the things that they want — be it a successful relationship, a good career, healthy parenting, or my students email me and say “I’m on my way to law school” or “I’m on my way to grad school” — it’s very rewarding and it keeps me going. So in that way, you’re right – it is inspirational.
Toni: What else do you find that you tend to reach for on a consistent basis when you need to be inspired?
Dr. Sheila: I love to read. Books are my best coping mechanism, and so when I find myself stuck in any area of my life, you will find me either in the library, in Barnes and Noble, and on Amazon.com looking for somebody else’s words that then I can incorporate and help me to move forward. So reading is probably my number one tool when I’m looking for inspiration.
Toni: Can you give us an example of some of the books that you tend to reach for?
Dr. Sheila: It can be anything at all. I recently discovered an interest in veganism, and so I have been devouring – no pun intended – all kinds of books that I can about that world, about the world of our animals and how our animals are treated, and the whole philosophy behind veganism, and it has caused me to make some changes in my own lifestyle because of what I’ve learned.
Even when I was training for the marathon, reading books about other people who’ve come ahead of me, who’ve done other feats of physical daring which to me – I walked the marathon, but walking a marathon is a feat of physical daring – that inspires me. Reading about other people’s stories and how they may have accomplished something that I want to accomplish.
Toni: Dr. Sheila, have you always shown up this way, full of conviction and purpose? Did you always know what you were meant to do and how you were to do that?
Dr. Sheila: No. I think I am a work in progress, as I hope most people are. I’m constantly evolving. My professional life has evolved. I started out as an attorney. That evolved into a clinical psychologist; that evolved now into also being a teacher, a professor, so I’m constantly evolving because I’m constantly learning and growing. And for me, challenging myself, I’m thinking about a new field in the world of psychology now to educate myself and become qualified in, because that keeps me going. Education, learning, and then being able to apply it to improve the lives of the people around me is really part of what keeps me going.
Toni: Well, that leads beautifully into the fourth question of the Project, which is, what do you do now to explore your own potential?
Dr. Sheila: I’m always challenging myself in one way or another, whether it’s with a new hobby, or I love languages, and so whenever I travel I try to learn something in the language of the country that I’m visiting. So this coming summer, for example, I’m planning on going to Thailand and Vietnam, so now I’m interested in learning both about the culture and also the language, and so if you see me driving around town, don’t be surprised if you hear me practicing, because I have the CDs of the different languages, because I love to do that.
I’m always challenging myself with whatever is right in front of me or whatever interests me, and then I look around at what other people are doing. That’s actually how the veganism happened, because I looked at somebody else and said that’s really fascinating, what they’re doing and how they’re living their life – I want to learn more.
Toni: So really, what you do to explore your own potential does absolutely transfer into what you do for others in helping them explore their potential, because you are challenging yourself, you are learning from others, and that’s what you’re challenging others to do, what I’m hearing you say, as far as your students and your patients. You’re challenging them to be the best that they can be and learn from others, and learn from you. So it sounds like the two go quite nicely hand in hand.
Dr. Sheila: They feel like they go nicely hand in hand, and I appreciate your acknowledging that. That inspires me to want to do it again. But I do; I’m very much about helping people reach their potential, whatever that is. I don’t define it for anyone. I allow people to define it for themselves, and whatever they define is fine. We just have to move towards it, and like I said, from a therapeutic point of view, if there’s blocks – emotional and psychological blocks, injury, hurt from the past – we alleviate that so they can move forward. And of course with the students, it’s more about pointing them in the direction of the proper education because I don’t do therapy with my students. I’m there just in a role as their teacher.
Toni: Well, you have been absolutely phenomenal in this interview by sharing your approach on inspiration, but also what you need, and that’s what is so cool about the Project, because they really do tend to go hand in hand with that passion and purpose. And for showing up with that sense of passion today – you can hear it – we thank you so very, very much, Dr. Sheila, for being part of the Get Inspired! Project.
Dr. Sheila: It’s a privilege to be part of it, and if I’ve inspired even one person today, then my day has been complete.
Toni: Fantastic. Thank you, and good luck with your trips this summer.
Dr. Sheila: I appreciate it. I’ll send you a postcard.
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For more information about Dr. Sheila Forman: www.DrSheilaForman.com
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