Day 134: Maria Van Hekken
“I guess it was Wayne Dyer that said … if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. When you realize you get away from your own ego and start to appreciate people’s individual gifts and strengths and appreciate what they’re offering … then you start to see things and you start to build relationships.”
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Toni Reece: Thank you so much, Maria, for agreeing to be part of the Project today, and before we begin, can you please introduce yourself?
Maria Van Hekken: I’m Maria Van Hekken, President of Yes2Yes Company.
Toni: Yes2Yes; what a cool name for a company! What does that mean?
Maria: I am a leadership and executive coach and, to me, leadership is about going from one yes to the next, and you and I have had that conversation.
Toni: Very much like the Get Inspired! Project.
Maria: That’s exactly what you do.
Toni: It’s very cool, isn’t it? It’s very much like the Get Inspired! Project with all of you saying yes is very cool. So Maria, when you think about that word inspiration, who do you inspire and how do you do that?
Maria: I inspire leaders to be more successful and to give their contribution to others — what they’re really meant to do.
Toni: Can you clarify “give their contributions to others?” What do you mean?
Maria: So I believe that each of us has a life purpose, and deep inside of us we know exactly what that purpose is. And yet sometimes either people know it and don’t think they can achieve it, or they’re in denial about what it really is, or they haven’t ever really thought about it with a lot of clarity. And I help people realize what that purpose is and help them make the contribution they’re on this earth to make.
Toni: And so you inspire them to be able to realize what that purpose is to move that forward in others as well as themselves?
Maria: Yes, and I also … I think I help people. I inspire people by letting them not just accept who they are but actually embrace who they are. And once they get past that something isn’t good enough or there should be something else to acceptance, it’s a whole other level to get to the space of embracing who they are with all of the gifts and all of the strengths that they have.
Toni: Now, how do you then help people to explore their potential? The inspiration part sounds amazing. What happens next?
Maria: Well, I actually am developing a book around this called The Putting Yes To Work Concept, and it’s basically this simple, fast, results-oriented, practical, hands-on, and inspiring momentum-building system for accomplishing the positive results that you really want and achieving internal peace so you can sleep at night.
Toni: So is that … do you think that if people can reach that internal peace, as an example, how do you think that then transcends them into exploring their potential or moving forward? What happens?
Maria: I think what happens is the people get to know who they are. They get focused on what it is they’re here to do. They build confidence into who they are and their leadership, and they stop thinking so much about themselves and their positive impact on others, and it builds this wonderful momentum.
First, it’s a positive vision. Then they start taking this positive action and creating the momentum and they start to achieve positive results, which is in itself a really wonderful moment and building system because, once they start getting the reward of the results, they just want to keep going. I mean, it’s contagious.
Toni: Maria, can that work for personal relationships as well as leadership relationships?
Maria: Oh sure.
Toni: Can you give an example of that?
Maria: So, let’s just say it’s a work relationship and there’s someone in the office or business or what have you that someone isn’t really getting along with or there’s this longstanding conflict. What I help people to do once they’ve realized that they are a very confident, competent leader in embracing who they really are and they stop thinking about themselves so much, they start looking at the other person in a different way because that person has strengths and gifts as well.
I guess it was Wayne Dyer that said, you know, if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. When you realize you get away from your own ego and start to appreciate people’s individual gifts and strengths and appreciate what they’re offering to whatever project or situation or business goal that you have, and you start looking for that, then you start to see things and you start to build relationships. You know, it’s all about relationships.
I’ve seen an example. Actually, I’ll give you a concrete one. An executive director that I was working with was working with a board, but the board wasn’t … she didn’t feel like she had great relationships with the board. We started with the person she had the best relationship with, and she started even strengthening that more and we worked our way through the board.
So she started strengthening the ones that were the best, and this became easier for her to do as she moved through the different individuals, even to the person that she thought she had the weakest relationship with. She, you know, took out to lunch or had a cup of coffee — I can’t really remember — and they ended up having a good relationship because she had misunderstood some of the cues she had gotten once they were in a conversation, once they had started to develop a relationship. Some of those conflicts went away because they had meaning now. They had something to work on, and they were much more able to be productive and have the organization work far better than it did before.
Toni: I would imagine that inspiring leaders or people within employment — you know, at any level of an organization — that when you start working with them and having them think outside of just “what’s in it for me,” it must be a pretty powerful thing that sets a whole bunch of other positive actions in motion.
Maria: It’s all about that. It’s all about the contagion of being positive. And if that person models that positive emotion or energy or whatever that might be, people around them will notice, and it’s really hard to be miserable and critical and ego-based when you’re around someone that is that way. So yes, that does have a great effect on them.
Toni: It’s like building a force field, isn’t it?
Maria: It’s a great … really, I love team performance and I’m all about results, and when people start focusing on what it is they want to accomplish and the strengths and gifts they have on the team to do so, other things just sort of fall away because they’re not important anymore. Why focus on those things if that’s not going to help you get the results that you want?
Toni: Let’s talk about you. What do you need to be inspired?
Maria: What do I need to be inspired? I need new and exciting and inspirational people around me all the time. That’s why I looked at the website that you showed me, and I can’t believe all the inspiring people that you’ve interviewed. It is an inspiration in itself.
Toni: Well thank you. There’s some pretty cool people on there.
Maria: There are! Just look at the things people are doing. I can’t watch the news; it’s too depressing for me. I have to … to be inspired and to keep myself positive, I have to keep myself surrounded with the good stories, the good news. That’s not to say I’m in denial about all of the other things. I do get my New York Times text alerts, but I can’t immerse myself in all that all the time or I can’t get out of bed in the morning – I’m in tears all day. I just love to hear stories that are inspiring and positive.
Toni: Do you find yourself, Maria, when you are at a place and you’re kind of going “Oh gosh, I need … I could certainly use some inspiration right about now,” what do you tend to reach for? Where do you go?
Maria: Truth be told, I go to meditation. If I’m that stressed or troubled by something, I know it’s the swirling thoughts in my head, and I just take the time and sit down and meditate and try not to think, which is sometimes more successful than others, and that’s why I called it a meditation practice. It’s sort of like working out. It feels better when it’s over.
Toni: You’re the first person I’ve ever heard say that.
Maria: Yes, it is true. It’s the same thing, really. It’s the same thing.
Toni: That’s fantastic. Are there … I know you’ve just mentioned meditation, but are there other tools or methodologies that you also tend to use to keep yourself positive, to keep yourself inspired? Because people that are reading and listening to these interviews are really learning from others, as well, as far as not only the wonderful things that they are doing and that you’ve stated, but also what you need. And so when you are in that need for inspiration, are there any other tools or methods that you reach for in addition to meditation?
Maria: You know, for me a really powerful tool is language and music, I think. So music is something that really inspires me. I loved watching the Grammys; the 2010 Grammys were on television last night. I was so inspired by the different collaborations. I love seeing unique collaborations of music or business or what have you to see disparate sort of elements come together and make beautiful music together. To me, it’s truly inspirational.
And language, I think, is something that we all use all the time — both spoken, written, and thought — and unleashing the power of language and changing that to something more positive or listening to other people who are positive is always a source of inspiration for me.
Recently, an example of that was sort of unlikely, I guess, but Conan O’Brien in his final episode talked about his gratitude and implored youth not to be cynical. It was such an inspiration to me. I sat there and cried. I thought it was wonderful that he shared just how fortunate he is, because he can come across — and we all can in a dispute like that of sorts — as something negative and wanting more, and that really wasn’t what he was about. So his heartfelt message at the end and using that opportunity and that forum of influence … to implore people to be positive and grateful and not cynical was really moving and inspiring to me.
Toni: What do you need to continue to explore your own potential?
Maria: What do I need? I need people around me all the time, just a wonderful supportive team and family and resources that keep me going. And so it’s all about that team performance, I think, that I mentioned before; and it might be informal, it might be formal, but that’s working with other people and with other people is what really keeps me going. It’s the oxygen for me.
Toni: So it’s working with and also for.
Maria: That give and take.
Toni: Right, right. I was just going to say … and is that both professionally and personally?
Maria: You know, I don’t have a line between my work and my life. I don’t have this. I know a lot of people do — a work/life balance issue. Maybe I have an issue but there’s no real … I work out of my home, and I use one phone for all things and one email for all things. I don’t have this separation between things, so it does cross all aspects of my life.
Toni: And how you operate. It’s interesting — I wrote down when you talked about what inspires you. If you listen to the interviews, there’s certain things that pop out for me that I just tend to write down, and I just wrote down mixing the strengths and the gifts that you spoke about, and that’s really, for me, what’s been running through this whole interview, and that’s trying to get the leaders to understand their strengths and their gifts so that they can move that forward for others. You enjoy that so much personally. Just using the Grammys as an example, because those duets were very powerful to you and the collaborations because they were a mixture of strengths and gifts; and some of them work, some of them don’t when they’re mixed together, you know?
Maria: That is true.
Toni: But wow, that’s been a very powerful theme through your entire interview, and how important that is that you work with people to do that so the team performance is better, but also how you need it so that your own performance stays as exceptional as it is, and that’s what I heard in your interview today.
Maria: That was beautiful synthesis, Toni, beautiful. I think it’s very true, and I think it’s such a privilege and honor to do the kind of work I do which is really to help other people be more successful. And to do that by focusing on their strengths and gifts and the strengths and gifts of others around them so that they can achieve more together is just some of the most inspiring work a person can do; at least for me.
Toni: Well, Maria, we cannot thank you enough for being part of the Project today, and we will put a link of how people can see your website and get a hold of you if they need a little bit more information, but for your time today and the work that you’re doing, thank you so much.
Maria: My pleasure.
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For more information about Maria Van Hekken: www.yes2yes.com
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