Day 113: Denis Roberts
“I think what’s special to the mentoring relationship is it creates an opportunity for people to reconnect with another human being through that process, then begin to reflect, contemplate, reconnect with themselves, unfold, emerge, and discover their true voice.”
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Toni Reece: Thank you so much, Denis, for agreeing to be part of the Project today, and before we begin can you please introduce yourself?
Denis Roberts: Hi, Toni. I’m Denis Roberts, and I work as a mentor. I do two types of mentoring: one which is called strategic mentoring which is with change leaders often in the pioneering role in a large organization, and the other is called vocational mentoring and it really addresses the question “What you want to do with your life?” and how does that translate into livelihood and career path, and then follow it on from there.
Toni: Well thank you for that, and that’s a great lead-in for the very first question which is when you think about that word inspiration, Denis, how do you inspire others? Who do you inspire and how do you go about that?
Denis: Okay. Firstly, what I’d really like to say is that I’m not sure we’re really in the position to comment on what it’s like to be inspirational. That is because it’s really the person who is being inspired, since the person is truly in a position to describe that experience. So what I’ve decided to do is answer that question in the words of a couple of clients and do so by selecting a couple of quotes.
Toni: And for the listeners out there, can you repeat who you’re quoting again?
Denis: I’ve decided to choose quotes from two different clients. The first client I simply asked the question “Have you found anything inspirational in any of the sessions we’ve had? And if so, what, and could you describe it; so that’s the first quote. The second quote was someone who gave me a testimonial but in that testimonial in a way described better than I can the process I worked with them. So putting those two quotes together should then give us a framework to open up the discussion, if that’s okay with you.
Toni: Absolutely!
Denis: Okay. The first client describes herself … first she describes her background.
“I’m female, 55, financially independent, director of a small commercial property company, and manage my own portfolio. I have a chronic illness and therefore spend a lot of time working from home alone, and it’s often hard to get motivated. Denis inspired me when I did not know what to focus on in my working life. We reflected on my strengths to reconnect with A) my good qualities, B) how I’ve used them in the past, and C) how I might use them in the future. This inspired me in that it excited me with an awareness of new possibilities and how I could now focus on my strengths which Denis had helped me highlight and be aware of, therefore giving me back the confidence I’d lost. This motivated me to do certain things and move on in my working life — the key word being motivated — by the actions inspired by questions A, B, and C.”
Toni: Well that’s really, really interesting, and that also answers from that particular client’s perspective not only how you inspire and who, but also how it helps them to explore their potential through the inspiration that you provide, which is providing that confidence in order to take actions to move forward. So it really does answer both of those questions within that one client statement.
Denis: And then if I move on to the next one — and that in a sense will be it — which is a client who I felt described the process very well. The statement is:
“Denis is an incredible coach with exceptional insight. His method of asking questions and guiding during the coaching session quickly allows his client to unearth the issues at hand. From the first appointment, practical solutions are found for some issues while assignments are given to dig deeper into other issues. It’s a wonderful opportunity and experience to work with him.”
That I feel describes the processes at work, or part of it.
Toni: Well that is very, very helpful, and thank you for doing it that way. I understand from your perspective that it is difficult for you to answer “how I inspire” unless you ask people who might be inspired by you.
Denis: In a sense, yes. The other thing I enjoy very much — and I don’t know whether you’re into this — but often I like exploring the origin of words and how their meanings have changed. So I did a quick look up on “inspire,” and it comes from the word “spirare” which originally meant “to breathe,” and then it became the root for the word “spirit.”
Inspire is infusing which, in a sense, is breathing in the spirit of the other person. I think that breath spirits are quite important sorts of parts for the process, and this also may be what we’re involved in when we’re working with clients is to create a breathing space and a place … sorry …
Toni: No, no, go ahead …
Denis: So really that’s what I’m aiming to do from my side is to create thinking room and breathing space and a place for connecting, resonating, grounding, reflecting, discovering common ground with a view to the client getting really connected with themselves.
Toni: Well thank you so much for that explanation of who you inspire and how and, Denis, let’s turn this to you. What do you need to be inspired?
Denis: What I need to be inspired in a sense is to go through exactly the same process. So the way that I go about it is through my mentor or, in the past, sometimes supervisors. Or else I use something called peer mentoring which is when I work with a colleague, and we literally take it in turns to either be mentor or mentee. It provides a framework, and it provides a process and structure that in a way creates a space where all sorts of different things can happen.
Like for instance, when the first client was talking about the experience of motivation, they described it as exciting. So there are energetic levels that can find a place to breathe, if you like, when one is connecting with another human being.
Toni: And so this is what you need as far as staying inspired is to experience those different levels of energy through mentoring, through your own mentors, through peer mentoring. Those are the things that you need to be inspired, correct?
Denis: What I need is a structure and a process in which I can begin to move. I think a lot of the time with our clients when they come to us, they’ve lost structure in some form or other. They may be a bit disoriented or they may have goals and not sure how to get back on track or whatever, and in a sense have lost that contact with themselves in some form or other.
I think what’s special to the mentoring relationship is it creates an opportunity for people to reconnect with another human being through that process, then begin to reflect, contemplate, reconnect with themselves, unfold, emerge, and discover their true voice.
The process I use is described as Socratic dialogue, and it’s been around a long time.
Toni: Syncratic dialogue?
Denis: Socratic, as from Socrates. It is actually a process of dialogue.
Toni: Is that a tool that you use then, because that was my next question to you – what tools do you reach for, Denis, you know, when you …
Denis: I would probably describe it as a Socratic dialogue which is a particular form of inquiry. So really a lot of the process that I use is a questioning process, and it’s a questioning process which may open and close. So one might have a very open question for the person to actually begin to release, if you like; but then you might use quite a closed question to get clarification or move in a particular direction or not. It’s largely a form of inquiry which is designed to make the person to reflect and contemplate.
Toni: And what do you do, Denis, then, taking that methodology that you use and what you use to stay inspired yourself? What do you need to explore your own potential?
Denis: Well, I suppose my … there are two situations in which this happens. In a sense, we grow with our clients when we’re in the role of mentor. Likewise, we grow when we’re in the role of mentee. It’s a slightly different process. What I find interesting … I know that some people share, not all, but most of us have … you were in on the call last night, weren’t you, with Jim Stovall?
Toni: Yes.
Denis: One of the things that he touched on was how you might have someone who could be a coach. They may not be able to play to the same standards as the person they were coaching, but they have the skills to facilitate and enable that person to make the best of themselves, be clear on what they’re doing, what direction they’re taking, and provide that kind of framework.
I think framework — frames of reference if you like, almost plotting a path — is an important part of the process, too, and then keeping the person to the path that they’ve chosen.
Toni: Is that what you do then, Denis, to explore your own potential?
Denis: To some extent I do, yes. It happens through different ways. I would describe myself as a companion. I accompany someone on the journey. So I’m their witness, but it’s their journey.
Toni: But do you have your own witnesses? Do you have your own companion?
Denis: The way that I do it is by switching roles. I become the mentee.
Toni: Okay.
Denis: So I actually move into the situation of being on the other side of it.
Toni: Right, right. And do you find that by being that mentee, that that also — the learning that you go through — helps you then to put that learning into place and into practice?
Denis: It’s where a lot of it … It’s where … most of my practice comes from my experiences as a mentee.
Toni: And I would imagine that that experience as a mentee can also be quite inspiring.
Denis: Oh yes. I mean, in a sense, the comment that I made right at the very beginning is the inspiration comes on the receiving end. Inspiration is the sort of the taking in, the breathing in, you know, the example of who the other person happens to be for you at that time. So yes, my experience of it comes from being on the receiving rather than from the giving end.
Toni: Right. And that’s what I heard through this interview, is the lovely way that you used your clients to answer the question “Who do you inspire and how?” and how you mentor them and allow them to breathe and help them to create that breathing space, but then also …
Denis: Sorry. I think the relevance of that is really important, is that they do that at their own pace and in their own words.
Most coaches have had the experience of being on the brink of a breakthrough. You can tell when it’s coming, and there’s this incredible impulse for many people, myself included, to jump in there and to put someone else’s experience into your own words. And if you’re going to have a breakthrough, that’s the point that you sit on the itch. That’s the point that you say nothing. That’s the point that you hold your breath and the person is able to break through in their own words.
When they do that, I believe probably it’s inspirational for them. But if we interrupt or intervene too quickly, so it then becomes like our version of events, then you’ve lost a very important moment.
Toni: And that’s what I call state change.
Denis: Right.
Toni: Fantastic. You have been incredibly enlightening in this conversation, and the way that you’ve handled the interview has been very interesting, Denis. For the time that you’ve taken and the information that you’ve given today, I really appreciate that and so will others who are listening and reading your interview.
I know that we will post at the end how to get a hold of you if people want to learn a little more about you, but for today’s interview and what you’ve given us, Denis, we can’t thank you enough. So thank you so very much.
Denis: Well thank you very much for thinking up a very imaginative process and structure and well thought through. Your questions have been the product of very careful deliberation, that’s quite evident, and so it’s very … it’s inspirational for me to go through your process, so thank you.
Toni: Thank you, Denis. Take care of yourself, and we will talk soon.
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For more information about Denis Roberts: www.ntwkfirm.com, denis.roberts@menta.me.uk
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