Day 63: Kim Wells

December 2, 2009 at 12:01 am, Category: Inspiration

“I’m inspired every day by the amazing people that I talk to who choose to do this, because nobody’s making them.  They could certainly turn their eyes away.  They could certainly choose not to look at this issue, but they choose to.  And so, it’s really sort of hard not to be inspired, because there are so many amazing people on a daily basis that I have the privilege of working with and talking to.”

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Toni Reece: Kim, thank you so much for joining us today on the project, and before we get into the questions, can you please introduce yourself?

Kim Wells: Sure, my name is Kim Wells, and I’m Executive Director of the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence.

Toni: Thank you.  The work that you do, particularly, I would imagine, in the organization that you’ve developed — which we will get into — and you think about that word inspiration, Kim, who do you think you inspire and how do you do that?

Kim: I think that I … I hope that I inspire the people that we work with, first of all, to see that domestic violence is everybody’s business and to help them understand the face of domestic violence — that it’s not just a person out there across the street or in another community or in another workplace, but that it’s somebody that they actually might know or work with or love or care about, or a path they may cross much more closely than they know — so that it’s a real face of a real person.  It really impacts the people around them.

And also that there’s something they can do about it, but they don’t have to feel helpless, that they don’t have to feel unequipped to address an issue that unfortunately is really all too common in the United States and around the world.  And hopefully help people feel empowered to know this is a terrible problem, but there is something that I can do to help people feel safe and secure in the one place they should feel safe and secure which is at home with the people they love.  And for us specifically, I can help people be safe and secure at work.

Toni: So your focus is that safety and security and awareness that you bring to the workplace.

Kim: It is.  But I think, you know, that while that is the focus of the organization, it does go further than that, because when people are equipped with those tools … I never will forget in particular one guy, who, doing the training in the workplace that very evening, he went home and heard something going on next door and — because he had those tools in his toolkit and had the understanding of how to address the issue — was able to respond appropriately at home for his neighbors.  And he said “Had I not learned about this at work and how to handle this at work, I think I might never have made the call to the police and never would have reached out to the neighbor.  I never would have leant that appropriate kind of hand, because I would have felt like I didn’t know what to do.  But I felt like I could do it.”

And so I think that there are so many bigger ripples than just a workplace because of the impact of domestic violence on people’s lives in so many more ways than just work.

Toni: So it really does empower, the tools that you’re giving people in the workplace, the awareness and the tools to deal with that.  It also empowers them to possibly make different choices when they’re in a situation either experiencing it or witnessing it.

Kim: Right.  And so then I hope that they are really inspired to know I can make a difference and that I can help make change in society so that it’s not just this workplace is safer, this workplace is more productive, but that the world can change because we’re saying “This is not okay, I can do something to make this different.”

Toni: You know, this brings us to the next question so beautifully, which is, you are working with people in the workforce, and the examples that you’re giving as far as how that even impacts our side of the workplace, how do you think that providing those tools and that awareness during the inspiration process helps people explore their potential?

Kim: Oh, I think that’s the most beautiful question, because I think people start to see what is special and gifted in them. People are so infinitely valuable and each person has a special gift in themselves, you know?  You talk to them – “I don’t lead, I’m not gifted” …

But people have the ability to reach other people, the people that they know and they love.  And they have the power to do that in a way that I don’t or you don’t by a kind word, by saying specific to this issue, “Are you safe?  Are you okay?  I care about you.  I’ve seen changes in you, and I’m worried”, and that could change or save a life, and that is amazing.

And so helping somebody to understand that they have the potential to make that difference for someone else and for a victim, to help them understand that they matter, there are people who care, and when they are ready to get safe, there are people who want to help them do that.  It’s an amazing opportunity to help people explore that possibility.  It’s a huge privilege and honor to be able to be in a place that you get to do that.

Toni: That’s amazing, and I can only imagine the ripple effect, not only from a victim’s perspective but also for the person who’s helping to make that difference, providing that safe, secure place and knowing that it’s okay.

Kim: And learning that once you do that, that’s an okay thing to do, and learning that it’s okay to ask somebody if they’re safe and to say to somebody “You know, I’d rather be wrong or have you be mad at me than to not ask this question”, because the truth really is, isn’t that the case?  I would rather be wrong than not check with you if you’re okay.  And to find out that’s an okay thing to do and to just realize, you know?

So many people say “I don’t think that’s really around me.  I’m not sure anybody I know really has gone through this.”  And then as people start to learn what the signs are, they go, “You know, I never really thought about it before, but I do know somebody that might have that in their life.”  Knowledge is power, and people start to see that potential in themselves to be part of change, to make the world safer for those people, for the children of those people, for everyone; and I think it’s really empowering for people.

Toni: Absolutely.  What a ripple effect that has.  When you think about your own inspiration, Kim, and you look at what you need for inspiration, what do you seek?  Where do you go?

Kim: You know, every day I think – it’s going on my tombstone – Mother Teresa: “No one sees a miracle who’s not looking for one.”  And so the idea that you have to really look for those miracles; and every day I meet amazing people.

The people in the companies that we work with who do these amazing things to help people get safe, and the amazing survivors that I talk to that reach out to me that say “This is my story, this is what I survived.”  That is incredible inspiration to me.  Or, the people who say “This is how I helped somebody that I know”, “Here’s an idea that I have”, “Have you thought about this?”  Or other employers that say “Hey, we’re trying this; this is a new idea.  Or we want to try to step into doing this; how do we do this?”

I’m inspired every day by the amazing people that I talk to who choose to do this, because nobody’s making them.  They could certainly turn their eyes away.  They could certainly choose not to look at this issue, but they choose to.  And so, it’s really sort of hard not to be inspired, because there are so many amazing people on a daily basis that I have the privilege of working with and talking to.

And I think that I’m also inspired by the people who do this on behalf of people who don’t have a voice right now, because there’s so many people who can’t say “I’m in this right now”, who can’t say “I’m not safe right now.”  And so people who wear purple ribbons on their behalf, or on Twitter, where they’re wearing Twibbons on their behalf, you know, speaking for people who can’t speak for themselves right now.  And so it’s really difficult to not be inspired, because those people just reach out on a regular basis.

Toni: Is there a mechanism in place that they can reach out to you, or do you seek it?

Kim: Both.  I think people reach out just automatically, but I think we also … I do seek that in my contacts — as it’s appropriate in my contacts with people — in trying to get feedback on what we’re doing.  Certainly on Twitter.  One of the nice things about social networking is you get sort of that immediate personal kind of feedback from people and sort of private feedback from people, and so there’s lots of incredible ways to be inspired.

Toni: I can imagine how humbling that is to hear the stories of survival and to know … not only have that be very inspirational to you personally, but also the work that you’re doing and how that impacts that, you know, that you’re part of that success.  When you’re looking for inspiration and you’re getting your inspiration, what do you do, Kim, then to continuously explore your own potential?

Kim: I think it’s a constant challenge.  I was talking to a woman that I’ve done a lot of presentations with who wrote a wonderful book.  She’s a survivor, and she said “You know, it’s so difficult because people don’t want to talk about this.”  And I said, “That’s why we gotta keep talking.”  I said “You know, whether it feels like we’re rolling the ball up the hill, that’s what kind of inspires me.”

It’s the challenge of “I’m going to do this; and I’m going knock on every door; and I’m going to find different ways to shout this out; and I’m going to find different ways to open that door to help you understand this in a way that you didn’t understand this before.”

So I think in exploring my own potential, it’s finding those different ways to get that message out to help people understand, because I don’t think it’s that they don’t care; I think it’s that they don’t understand.  And so, for me, it’s being so grateful to know that safety and security and hope is a possibility for everybody, and so much do want that for other people that it’s just not hard to keep on trying to find it.

There are terrible, hard days where there’s a lot of workplace violence and people are killed, and there are just really hard days in this job … really hard days … really just hard times.  But it’s taking from that never wanting that to happen to somebody else again, and thinking how do you go forward and just keep on finding ways to get that message out — whether it’s to a seventh grader who calls us or a senior executive of a company that calls us — that we can find ways to make that different.

And that’s where that comes from for me, in finding those different ways to get those messages out and to talk to … whether it’s a large group, it’s a company, whether it’s a program or it’s just a conversation that I’m going to try to explore that potential in myself.

Toni: Are there tools you reach for, Kim, when you’re doing this type of work that when you’re doing the discovery work of alternative paths or different paths in order to keep working on that safety and that security?  Is there something you reach for?

Kim: Well, you know, we have a lot of tools in the field that we use.  But I think for me, I’m a really spiritual person, so a lot of times my tools really go back to honestly what does God say about people?  What does God say about what’s important and who these people belong to and why they’re valuable?

So I think my big over-arching sort of structure of what matters and who you’re plugged into and what their frame is for life is sort of where my grounding comes from and where I go forward; and then sort of my professional tools in my toolkit I’m always learning.  But I think that frame is sort of what always grounds me and keeps me excited, because I think I sort of know for me who I belong to and why people really matter, and why this matters to me.

And so I’m going forward.  That just sort of makes the circle of reasoning bigger for me in using the professional tools and all of the other really great things that are out there for people to use as professionals, as women, as leaders; probably too many to even mention.  But I would say that’s probably my biggest frame that I go back to.

Toni: That is so important for people to hear that are going to be listening to this interview as well as reading this interview.  That’s why it is absolutely such a gift that you’ve not only spoken about your organization — which is powerful in its own right — but how you as an individual … what’s so personal about it for you, where your personal inspiration comes that drives that potential to keep looking for alternative ways to get it done, and then how that transcends into that organization.  That’s what is so beautiful about this Project and having people like you doing the work that you’re doing.

Kim: Thank you.

Toni: It’s awesome – it’s awesome.  I want to thank you so much for the learning and value that you have given to this project just by this interview today, and we do have your organization on the Project page.  So those who are listening and reading, please check it out and learn more about it, because it is a very important topic, and Kim, we cannot thank you enough for the gift you’ve given us today.

Kim: Thank you so much, Toni, it’s an honor, truly.

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For more information about Kim Wells:  www.caepv.org

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